When Praise Feels Fake
In my first article, I argued that vague praise is ineffective. In the second, that praise must be tailored to the person and what they genuinely value. In practice, there's a third hurdle: credibility. The moment praise feels forced, exaggerated, or disconnected from reality, it loses its impact — and can make things worse than saying nothing.
Why It Happens
Psychology distinguishes between two types of praise:
- Informational praise — specific, grounded in reality — strengthens intrinsic motivation
- Controlling praise — designed to shape behavior — undermines it
Praise doesn't work simply because it's positive. It works when it's perceived as true.
How Praise Starts to Feel Fake
In many organizations, recognition has become a process. Something we're supposed to do.
Picture a Monday morning meeting. The manager opens: "Before we start, let's do our appreciation round."
People glance at each other. Someone says, "Great job last week." Someone reacts with an emoji. A few nods. We move on.
Repeated often enough, that moment doesn't just fail to motivate — it teaches people that recognition is theatre.
Praise feels fake when it's:
- Generic — "Great job, everyone"
- Systematic — "We always do a recognition round"
- Disconnected — not linked to real, specific work
- Instrumental — used to tick a management box
- One-directional — always top-down
What If the Culture Is Already Broken?
Many managers aren't starting from scratch. They operate in environments where hollow praise is the norm — where people have learned to discount recognition before it's finished.
You won't fix that overnight. But you can start shifting it.
A — Don't change the ritual. Change what you say inside it. If your team has a recognition round, keep it. Use it differently. Say one specific, true thing about one person. Just one. Let the silence after it do its work.
B — Be willing to say nothing. In a culture of hollow praise, restraint signals integrity. If you have nothing real to say, don't say it. When you do speak, people will notice — because it's rare.
C — Go first, and go small. You won't shift habits with a speech. You'll shift them with a message after a tough meeting: "The way you handled that pushback changed the room." Small. Specific. Unsolicited. That's how credibility rebuilds.
D — Name the pattern, carefully. Sometimes it helps to say it out loud , not as criticism, but as intent: "I want our recognition to actually mean something. That starts with me being more specific." Owning your part gives others permission to do the same.
Culture shifts slowly. But it shifts one true sentence at a time.
What Sports Teams Do Better
In sports, recognition is constant — but rarely formal.
After a game: "That interception changed everything." "Your communication kept us organized in the second half."
It's immediate, specific, and emotionally grounded. No script. No obligation. No ritual. Just reality.
That's why it lands.
One Question Before You Praise
Ask yourself:
- Is this true?
- Is it specific?
- Does it matter?
If yes SAY IT If not WAIT
The goal isn't to say something positive. It's to say something real.
At Home of Management, we believe leadership is a practice: Notice. Name. Reinforce. Repeat. But above all — mean it.