Stop Praising Everyone the Same Way
Most managers believe that if praise is positive, it will motivate. That assumption is wrong. Recognition is not universal. What energizes one person may embarrass another. What feels supportive to you may feel irrelevant to someone else. In my previous article, I argued that we should stop saying “Good job.” Because vague praise teaches nothing. But even precise praise can miss if we don’t consider how the recipient experiences recognition.
Most managers believe that if praise is positive, it will motivate.
That assumption is wrong.
Recognition is not universal.
What energizes one person may embarrass another.
What feels supportive to you may feel irrelevant to someone else.
In my previous article, I argued that we should stop saying “Good job.” Because vague praise teaches nothing.
But even precise praise can miss if we don’t consider how the recipient experiences recognition.
Insights from Motivation Science
For over 40 years, research in psychology has shown that human motivation is shaped by three core needs (Self-Determination Theory, Deci & Ryan):
Autonomy – I have agency
Competence – I feel capable
Relatedness – I feel seen and connected
Recognition works when it strengthens one of these needs.
It fails when it doesn’t.
Some people feel valued when their competence is publicly acknowledged.
Others feel most motivated when they are trusted with autonomy.
Others need relational acknowledgment, to feel personally seen.
Five Recognition Patterns
In practice, I observe five recurring ways people experience recognition:
1. Public Recognition
Visible acknowledgment strengthens competence and belonging.
2. Private Recognition
One-to-one feedback matters more than public applause.
3. Trust as Recognition
“Take the lead.”
Responsibility is the signal.
4. Growth Recognition
Stretch assignments. Mentoring. Development conversations. Training.
Progress signals belief.
5. Concrete Appreciation
A handwritten “one thank-you a day” card.
A deliberate gesture.
A coffee together.
These are not rigid categories, but a palette of tools in the manager’s hands.
When Praise Backfires
Research shows that poorly delivered praise can reduce intrinsic motivation, especially when it feels controlling or forced
Public praise for someone who dislikes exposure.
Generic praise for someone who values mastery. etc.
Managers often say:
“I already praised them.”
Yes.
But did it strengthen autonomy, competence, or connection?
If not, its impact was limited.
Recognition that does not align with motivation becomes noise.
A Simple Question to Ask
In a one-to-one, I recommend asking:
“When you’ve done great work, how do you prefer it to be recognized?”
This question:
Respects autonomy
Builds relatedness
Increases precision
In my experience, it improves the quality of leadership conversations, and future interactions.
Recognition Is Cultural Infrastructure
At Home of Management, we see recognition as part of the cultural infrastructure.
In high-performing sports teams, recognition is constant — and personalized.
Some players need public acknowledgment.
Some need quiet reinforcement.
Some need the coach to say, “You’re ready for more.”
The goal is not applause.
It is sustained motivation.
To continue the discussion:
In the first article, I focused on precision.
In this one, on adaptation.
Great managers do both.
In the next article, I’ll explore how to build recognition rituals that feel honest.